Personalities continue to fascinate me, I have always been a people watcher, an adherent to Queen Elizabeth’s motto "video et taceo", ‘I saw and said nothing (at the time)’, a coryphaeus in the shadows. A recent (non-fellowship) preliminary meeting’s objective was squashed by a loudmouth’s opinion, some simply recoiled, others, more assertive, politely retreated mid sentence. Fellowship meetings on the other hand do not permit verbal interruptions, although glares are sufficiently fierce to cause strategic disentanglement, so lightning fast retorts are required to air one’s views, pity the hesitant and the quietly spoken.

Interjections are necessary in conversation these days, if one does not ride roughshod over another’s homily then one cannot express a viewpoint. Listen to the Radio 4 Today show, watch the BBC Newsnight program and note how often the ‘interviewer’ bullies his or her ‘guest’ (replace with interrogator & respondent); the bully will always interrupt-I just heard a classic, respondent ‘....on your previous piece...a few minutes ago...she said...’ interrupted by bully ‘tell us what she said now, come on’. I’m not saying that a ‘lone voice in the wilderness’ should be favoured -he/she/they can post on social media- but that it is possible to be polite and robust simultaneously. Meetings are no different.

Addictive personalities appear to replace a cacoethes for a substance with a compulsion for a rite, frequently plural, we are always right of course (not). Illustrations: the rostrum of a crack house replaced by that of fellowship meetings, bars by coffee shops, the ritual of self injection by tea ceremonies, an eating disorder by a precision diet, self-harm by cool. Abnegation of our addiction is only possible when accompanied by a replacement activity, ofttimes ‘bigging up’ in the gym and/or lotions and potions. Moderation by inculcation is oxymoronic, didactics successful but require especial shepherds to cause a metamorphosis of addict to citizen.

Aspiring to replicate my shepherds’ examples with originality is my intent, some messiahs promote their way of life using absolutes -x thousand lives ‘saved’ through dogma- percentages are bleaker. If abstinence is the parameter then of all young adults; 7% are in addiction (Office of National Statistics), of that 7% that go through recognized treatment fewer than 20% are abstinent after a year. The pattern continues year on year, commonly quoted figures ignore the fact that most addicts die young so distorting age related percentages. I am a rare example of a 57 year old alcoholic (surviving 40 years of addiction using the fellowship definition or 10 years using the medical definition) still abstinent after a year, my relapse is 98.5% guaranteed.

Self knowledge with perception of those around me has given me the notion, despised by some, that each of us must dare to challenge, to peregrinate without goosestepping, to make our own bed and lie in it.