We’ve got mice in the house, but why have they gone to the third floor 1st? Otherwise SNAFU, ~ is floating on air with her beau,~~ is just floating-don’t know why, ~~~has floated off into his own reality, * is now an utter kvetch, ** has always been in her own reality, ! is now a reporter, !! is just !!! and I’m not sure who ‘me’ is.

A Chandos post states ‘Lectures Thurs ongoing rota with Deborah Clarke and some other keynote speakers! 1-2 pm, starting this week, all welcome... this is part of the new Chandos paperwork party, tick box descriptions of what has always been the Chandos way using jabberwocky so social service managers can fill in their jobsworth folders: some bullet points are; Assertiveness, Anger Management, Diversity, Diet/nutrition, Role of complementary therapy, spirituality, decision making, Endings, Sex/love? Citizenship, what is addiction? Mutual aid,’ (sic). A denizens charter, an adepts aphoristic compendium, mere blatherskite-results, it works, why waste the therapists time doing paperwork unless it’s cheaper than helping addicts, just a sepulchral thought.

Composing these sporadic pamphlets over days, not hours, often synchronises apparently asynchronous events. I crafted the above a couple of days ago, yesterday I was reprimanded for not being ‘chilled’ enough to train at the Domino Effect Project, so I have disburdened myself of training for them any more. I must protect my serenity, to peregrinate without goosestepping, possibly involving myself with Chandos, my alma mater.
My team leader called at 10.12 this morning for a friendly update, my paymaster messaged me at 10.54 to arrange a chat - synchronicity?

Almost an hour talking with Beth, an eminently sensible occupational therapist, has left an interesting conundrum: if I return to any form of paid employment I lose my abode; if I don’t comply with reasonable demand from my claim manager I lose the £10 per day I have to live on; if I don’t keep myself occupied I lose my sanity and relapse.  “Insa.” One of Arabic’s beautifully expressive idioms, the word means essentially, “That’s life.” We have agreed to a very, very gentle approach to my return to work. It’s only a couple of months since I last had a ‘proper’ panic attack - pissing myself in public.

'I may not be rich, but I am valuable. I don't pretend to be someone I'm not, because I'm good at being me. I might not be proud of some of the things I've done in the past, but I am proud of who I am today. I may not be perfect, but I don't need to be. Take me as I am, or watch me as I walk away' anon. echoes of my feelings this pm. TTFN